Romeo and Juliet
by The Tale Weavers
Summary: A Shakespeare spoof of Romeo and Juliet with a meterosexual Tybalt and a guy in a chicken suit. Shakespeare would roll over in his grave, but you'll roll over in your seat, it's so funny.


**This version of Romeo and Juliet is based loosely on what Joey Wheeler of Yu-Gi-Oh would do if he were cast as Romeo.**

**Romeo and Juliet**

**Characters**

Romeo

Juliet

Voice Offstage

Tybalt

_The scene starts with Romeo and Tybalt outside the Kings supermarket, with their loaves of bread drawn._

_Tybalt-_ So, you dirty Montague! You dare hath challenge me?

_Romeo-_ Hey pal, it's the twenty-first century. No one speaks like that anymore. Who is your agent!

_Tybalt- _Fine! So, you dirty Montague, you dare ha- ooh, sorry- you dare TO challenge me!

_Romeo- _Only until I've had some sustenance!

_They stand there not doing anything_

_Romeo-_ Wait a minute, isn't the prince supposed to come on now?

_They lower their breadsticks_

_Tybalt-_ I cannot work like this! If you need me I will be in my trailer!

_Romeo-_ Well, that solves my problem, I don't have to kill him now! Pauses I wonder, who's playing Juliet?

Romeo starts to walk off stage when he stops and turns around. Juliet enters from the other side of the stage.

_Romeo- _Ooh, baby! Holy chickens! Juliet, come to papa! Throws out arms

_Juliet-_ Hey, you're not supposed to kiss me yet! That's in act 3,967,465!

_Romeo-_ Boy, that's a dumb blonde! Wait, she's not even a blonde! She's a brunette! Looks at audience Well, there can be such a thing as a dumb brunette, right!

_Juliet- _I think you're the dumb blonde, buster!

_Romeo- _Hey, nobody talks to Romeo like that, 'cause I am Romeo Montague!

_Juliet- _laughs and I'm the queen of English fashion!

_Romeo- _This is Verona, Italy!

_Juliet-_ This is Kings!

_Romeo- _Ooh, your right! Maybe I should go to Verona. It's pretty there. Hey, would you like to get married in Verona?

Juliet hits him with loaf of bread.

_Romeo- _Oww! My Cranium!

Act Ends

Kissing Noises and Giggles in the back round.

_Voice offstage- _Juliet, get in the tower! Romeo! You're on!

_Romeo- sans pants, but with boxers _Oh, oh yeah, I-I-I forget my lines! What am I supposed to say? Oh, wait I remember- MASTER OF THE HOUSE!

QUICK TO CATCH YOU'RE EYE!

NEVER WANTS A PASSER BY TO PASS HIM BY-

_Voice offstage- _Wrong script!

_Romeo- _Oh, what-what play am I in?

_Juliet- _Romeo, Romeo, where the heck are you Romeo?

_Romeo- _I'm in the lion king! off key singing

_Juliet- _You Idiot

_Romeo- _ Okay, I'm okay now, I think. I mean, I'm not mixed up anymore, but if I were mixed up, I wouldn't know that I were mixed up, but if I didn't know I wouldn't say it, would I?

_Juliet- _Just say your lines!

_Romeo- _ Oh, okay, squints at his hand I can't read this, I need my reading contacts! Runs off stage

Juliet sighs and taps her fingers on the side of the tower. Romeo runs back in, putting one contact in

_Romeo_- Okay, I'm re-ow! Okay' I'm ready. clears his throat Romeo! Romeo! Where are- pauses I'm Romeo! Wait, that's not my line! Okay, I'm ready. Juliet is the east, and I am the west! pauses I am? I didn't know we were acting as directions! I'll act west! turns towards the west and stands still

_Juliet-_ yelling ROMEO! OH ROMEO! WILL YOU JUST READ THE SCRIPT!

_Romeo- _But I'm acting west!

_Voice offstage- _CUT! CUT! I SAID CUT!

Romeo stops acting west

_Voice offstage- _Just deliver the lines.

_Romeo-_ To who?

_Voice offstage- _Get off the stage! You're fired!

_Juliet- _Romeo, dear Romeo! Oh, if it hadn't had to be this way! If you had loved me just as much as I love you!

_Romeo-_ Juliet, you are the east, and I am the west! We will always be together, even though we are completely different directions! I love you!

_Juliet- _Romeo, oh Romeo, I do! Juliet flings herself off the tower and lands on Romeo's foot

_Romeo-_ Ouch, I'm not sure if this is a happy ending, but I think I broke something! So how's Saturday night?

_Juliet- _Fine with me!

Tybalt comes on stage wearing a full drag costume

_Tybalt- _I love happy endings He starts to cry

_Romeo-_ You're dressed like a girl.

_Juliet- _I think you could use some fashion tips.

_Tybalt- _We'll go out together and shop.

_Juliet-_ How about Sunday?

_Tybalt- _Like totally.

_Romeo- _Oh wait, am I acting in the Twilight Zone?Goes of stage muttering to himself Crazy girlfriends, Drag Tybalt, What's next a crazy guy in a chicken suit?

Guy in a chicken suit runs on stage squawking like a chicken

_Romeo-_ I'm gonna need some major therapy after this.


End file.
